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“So not today… because she smiled at me,” thought Theodore Finch.
Finch was obsessed with the idea of death, to be more precise, taking his own life. But every time, something, however small, would stop him from doing so. Violet Markey, a popular girl from Finch’s school dealing with survivor’s guilt, would spend her time counting the days until graduation and getting out of their small town in Indiana.
All The Bright Places, Jennifer Niven’s first Young Adult novel, opens with Finch and Violet standing at the edge of the bell tower of their school, both of them contemplating jumping off, yet saving each other from doing so.
Violet Markey is dealing with grief and survivor’s guilt after losing her sister in a car accident that both of them were involved in. Theodore, on the other hand, is obsessed with killing himself, but each time something, however small, stops him. He deals with Bipolar disorder, which is revealed much later in the book. He goes through a series of ‘Awake’ and ‘Asleep’ cycles that are used to describe ‘depression’ and ‘mania’, respectively but are otherwise not mentioned directly.
In a geography class at school, they get paired for a project called “Wander Indiana.” As a part of the project, they are supposed to travel to famous places around them and chronicle their journey.
In an effort to connect better with Violet, Finch creates a Facebook account and sends her a request. The two of them begin talking. It starts with Finch saying, “I feel we can’t go through another of those terrible times” ( a line from The Waves and Virginia Woolf’s suicide note).
Quoting Virginia Woolf’s book The Waves, back and forth becomes a thing to bridge the gap between their two distant worlds. Without Woolf, they wouldn’t have managed to get close. This is why Finch says:
“Suddenly I wish I’d paid more attention to Virginia Woolf, a writer I’ve never had much use for until now. Suddenly I wish I’d done nothing but study her for all of my 17 years”
Theodore Finch
As a part of the “Wander Indiana” project, the two of them travel to unexplored places around Indiana, like Hoosier Hill (the highest hill in Indiana), homemade roller coasters, and more. Over the course of these wanderings, they develop feelings for each other. Their visits have been described so beautifully that someone reading them would want to go and explore Indiana, too.
With time, Finch also convinces Violet to get in a car and start writing again. She had stopped both of these things after her sister Eleanor’s death. Finch also gets Violet to talk about her sister’s death— something even her parents couldn’t get her to do. All this proved to be cathartic for Violet, and so she began to heal.
However, the same wasn’t true for Finch. His mental health started to deteriorate. Finch used to have an abusive father who, too, would get into “dark moods” and take it out on little Finch. This traumatic past, combined with the constant ostracization by his peers who labeled him a “freak” just because he struggled with undiagnosed bipolar disorder, began a downward spiral for Finch.
Yet, Finch tried to stay “Awake” and not sleep for Violet’s sake.
One day, Finch impulsively painted his bedroom wall blue— water being one of the major themes in his life. He also rearranged his furniture to make a smaller space and eventually moved into his closet. To him, smaller places felt safer when “Asleep” was coming.
Throughout the book, Finch’s behavior demonstrates the characteristic manic periods of impulsive excitability and the lethargic, pointless mindsets present during the depressive episodes.
However, even then, the only shining spot in his life was Violet. The two of them continued their Wander Indiana project and explored Indiana some more.
On the first warm day of the year, Finch took Violet to the Blue Hole, a beautiful three-acre lake. After their swim, he told her about his childhood abuse. The same day, they accidentally end up staying out till the next morning. Violet’s parents, angered by it all, forbid her from seeing him anymore.
Being “denied access” to Violet sends Finch into a downward spiral. He lands in a fight at school that further leads him to get expelled. Even though Finch still sees Violet, he efficiently hides his worsening depression from her. And so, Violet remains oblivious to everything happening with Finch.
On one particularly terrible night, Finch decides to end his life and consumes sleeping pills. However, he regrets his decision almost instantly and so drives to the hospital to get his stomach pumped.
After this, in an attempt to get better, he joined a suicide support group. But there, he ran into Amanda, a popular girl from school who also happens to be a friend of Violet’s. Concerned about Finch, Amanda told everything to Violet.
And then, Violet did try to help Finch. But he exploded at her attempts, which led the two of them to have a huge fight. As a result, Finch ran away from home.
However, even then, Violet was the only one looking for him. Others didn’t think there was anything out of the ordinary about his behavior.
While on the run, Finch visited the rest of the places the two of them had selected for their project. From every new place he visited, he’d send cryptic messages to Violet.
Finally, a month after his disappearance. Finch sent an email to every single person he knew to say goodbye. Violet figured out what must have transpired and immediately rushed to the Blue Lake. Once there, she discovered Finch’s car and discarded belongings. Understanding hits, and Violet breaks down, crying Finch’s name; he drowns himself in the Blue Lake.
You saved my life. Why couldn’t I save yours?”
Violet Markey
After Finch’s funeral, Violet manages to decode all the cryptic messages that Finch had sent to her. She visits the rest of the wanderings alone. At the last location— Taylor Prayer Chapel, Violet finds a musical score that Finch wrote for her.
All of this helps her understand that Finch’s death wasn’t her fault. And this critical realization sets her healing process in motion.
All The Bright Places ends with Violet swimming in the Blue Hole alone. She thinks about the epitaph she has written for Finch and realizes that her own Epitah is yet to be written. At the very end of the book, we get yet another line from The Waves:
I feel a thousand capacities spring up in me.”
Violet Markey
Conclusion
Many people out there struggle in silence, thinking that they are the only ones feeling this way. Just like Finch, they don’t reach out for help either because they don’t want to burden others. But, as you can see, this backfires.
From All The Bright Places, we get to learn of the struggles of someone with an undiagnosed mental illness and how things can go wayward if help is not provided and received at the right time. Apart from this, reading books like this one can help people comfort by letting them know that they are not alone.
PS In 2020, All The Bright Places was released as a major Netflix movie, too. So, if you want to watch a film adaptation of the book, go check it out!
Lovely
People should understand that mental health is as important as physical wellness.
It is really nice